Ever found yourself feeling uneasy after receiving feedback? Ever find yourself questioning whether the advice was meant to help or hurt? You’re not alone. Many of us struggle to differentiate between criticism and critical feedback, and that confusion can lead to hurt feelings and strained relationships.
In our journey of personal and professional growth, the distinction between criticism and critical feedback is crucial. While both can impact our emotional well-being and relationships, understanding the differences between them can help us navigate these situations with greater resilience and clarity.
Unlike the motivational videos that tell you to build a house with every brick thrown at you, it’s not necessary to always stay positive and see every criticism as critical feedback. Criticism can hurt, and it’s okay to feel that pain and allow yourself to process it.
This process helps you make conscious decisions. It’s not about adopting a pessimistic outlook, but rather about having self-awareness and understanding of how the people and situations around you affect you. Once you can differentiate between criticism and critical feedback, you’ll know which relationships to keep and which to cut off, identifying which ones are healthy and which are harmful.
This awareness will enable you to grow and progress in the real world, instead of wishing for a utopian one that doesn’t exist.
Criticism: “Your writing is too repetitive and makes you look unprofessional.”
Critical Feedback: “Your writing could be more concise if you avoid repetition, which will strengthen your message.”
Oftentimes, people are not able to receive critical feedback with open arms because they feel ashamed.
How do we avoid feeling this way?
Start by viewing feedback as a tool for growth rather than a personal attack. Even if you have given your best effort, recognise that refining your work is a natural part of the process. If the feedback seems unclear or harsh, ask for specific examples and actionable advice, do not just stew over it- dig deeper.
Ask for specific examples and actionable advice to turn the focus toward practical improvements. This simple step helps you distinguish between constructive feedback meant to help you grow and criticism that might be more about tearing you down.
Have a constructive conversation with the giver to share your viewpoint and understand theirs. This clarity will empower you to respond thoughtfully and use the feedback to your advantage.
How to understand the difference?
Understanding the difference is just the beginning – it’s a great starting point, but there are layers to explore. When we put our heart and soul into our work give our best and still someone else points out ways to improve, it can sting.
This is especially tough if you’ve been doing something a certain way for years. Imagine telling a gardener with 20 years of experience that there is a better way to tend plants – he might not take it well.
But here’s the thing: it’s tough to see our own flaws. Critical feedback gives us a fresh perspective, helping us spot areas we might have missed and guiding us to grow and get better. This external viewpoint helps uncover gaps we might overlook, guiding us toward meaningful growth and development.
Start by taking time to understand the feedback thoroughly. Create actionable steps based on it and apply these changes to your work. Pay attention to the results and check in with the person who provided the feedback to ensure you’re on the right track and to gather any additional advice.
Another question that might arise is, “Can I be my own critic?”
The answer is yes but with a few conditions. Striving to be objective and being a critic does not mean convincing yourself you are always right. Avoid letting emotions cloud your judgment. This does not mean being too harsh on yourself either. Combine self-critique with self-compassion by acknowledging both your strengths and areas for improvement.
To know if your critical feedback is accurate, look for evidence that supports it. For example, review past work to identify patterns of issues. Compare your self-assessment with feedback from others to gauge accuracy. Implement changes based on your feedback and observe the results, adjusting your approach as necessary.
When we get validation we feel happy. But do you need external validation?
Validation can be useful for significant decisions or to reassure yourself about your self-assessment, providing additional perspectives and confirming or challenging your evaluations. However, if you find yourself constantly seeking validation, it may affect your confidence and independence. Aim for a balance between external feedback and self-trust.
We often seek validation and feedback from those closest to us because we believe they know us best. Loved ones typically aim to motivate and support, which can sometimes result in overly positive or non-critical feedback.
To navigate this, it is important to recognise that their feedback may be influenced by their desire to support you, which can affect objectivity. Instead of settling for general praise, request detailed feedback to encourage more thoughtful and actionable input.
For a more comprehensive perspective, consider supplementing feedback from loved ones with insights from colleagues, mentors, or professionals.
This way, you can obtain a well-rounded view and make more informed improvements.
At the end
Ever wondered why criticism affects us so deeply? Often, we tie our self-worth to our work or actions, so criticism can feel like a personal attack rather than a comment on specific behaviour. It can trigger fears of inadequacy or rejection, especially if we seek approval from others. After all, nobody likes to feel that way, right? Humans tend to focus more on negative feedback than positive, which can amplify the emotional impact of criticism.
This is closely connected to why we feel happy receiving validation. Validation confirms that our efforts are recognized and valued, boosting our self-esteem and sense of accomplishment. It provides encouragement and motivation, reinforcing our efforts and inspiring continued progress.
Time to see this from a different angle, you might not always be on the receiving end of feedback; sometimes, you’ll be the one providing it. In such cases, the person receiving the feedback might feel its criticism and become defensive. This could happen for two reasons: first, they might perceive the feedback as a personal attack rather than constructive advice, and second, your language might come across as critical rather than supportive. To prevent this, ensure your feedback is framed positively, acknowledges their strengths, and offers clear, actionable suggestions for improvement.
So how do you provide critical Feedback without Sounding like Criticism? For example instead of saying “Your presentation was a mess and didn’t make any sense. “Say Your presentation had some strong points; focusing on a clearer structure and adding more details could make it even more impactful.
The healthier way acknowledges the positives while providing specific, actionable suggestions for improvement, avoiding a negative tone and encouraging growth.
Remember, no one is immune to criticism-whether you’re a top executive, a celebrity, a renowned expert or simply a student feedback and scrutiny are part of the game. Learning to handle criticism gracefully is essential for building emotional resilience, and helping you cope better with setbacks and challenges.
By overcoming criticism and using it as a tool for growth, you can boost your self-confidence and sense of accomplishment. Additionally, criticism keeps you grounded, helping you stay aware of both your strengths and weaknesses, which prevents complacency and arrogance.
Our natural tendency is to react to feedback based on immediate emotions, which can lead to knee-jerk responses that escalate conflict or cause regret. However, when you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively, you give yourself the chance to process criticism more effectively.
This reduces emotional reactions like defensiveness or frustration and prevents denial or avoidance that might cause you to miss out on valuable growth opportunities.
Responding allows you to extract useful insights from feedback and turn them into actionable steps for personal and professional development. It helps maintain positive relationships by addressing criticism with composure and respect, fostering constructive dialogue rather than damaging relationships with hostility or defensiveness.
Additionally, responding demonstrates maturity and professionalism, showing that you can handle feedback gracefully and use it to enhance your skills. On the other hand, reacting impulsively can make you seem unprofessional or insecure, impacting your reputation and how others view your ability to handle challenges.
Moreover, responding rather than reacting reduces stress by managing your emotional reactions and focusing on problem-solving rather than dwelling on negative feelings.
So, the next time you receive feedback, pause and ask yourself: Is this criticism or constructive advice? See if it provides actionable insights or just stings. If it’s the former, embrace it as a golden opportunity to refine and excel.
Don’t whine – shine!
