One of my friends expressed in a low tone, “You know, it’s hard to be single and alone but even more disturbing is, being with a person who thirsts after other women online while avoiding the conversation you wait. Calls it casual and has nothing to explain. Many a times he accused that I overthink and crate drama out of nothing.” Seeing many marriages slipping away this way, I’ve come to realize that relationships don’t explode overnight; they slowly unwind through emotional unavailability, neglect, lack of conversation, commitment and clarity.
The American Psychological Association reports that in about 20- 40% of divorces worldwide, infidelity is a factor. In general, men are more likely to cheat the women, breaching the trust of beautiful bond of love. Despite the efforts to adjust and mend the relationship through counselling and compromise, it often leads to feelings of betrayal, anger, and erode the trust that is the foundation to a healthy marriage. The emotional damage is often irreversible, leading couples down the path of divorce. While infidelity may not always be sexual – sharing personal feelings and affection, forming emotional connection with external relationships but keeping secrets with your primary relationship can hurt just as deeply as physical affair.
Digital infidelity
In recent times, digital infidelity is a recognized and more discussed form of betrayal in modern relationships. Social media sites are platforms where users generate and post their own content to create and maintain virtual relationships. These platforms are very popular, as indicated by, for example, Facebook’s 2.45 billion active monthly users. These popular platforms contribute to increased opportunities for infidelity. Research reveals that flirting or sexual behavior conducted via social media is indeed perceived similarly not only to cyber-sexual behaviors but also to physical sexual infidelity, which is similarly hurtful to primary relationship.
On digital infidelity, psychologist, author, and Stonybrook University professor John G. Cottone, Ph.D. says, ‘What’s considered ‘cheating’ in a cyber-relationship is often unclear, but if the relationship must be kept secret, a line has likely been crossed.’ Study shows that there are several reasons as to why spouses cheat. This may range from communication problems to lack of sexual connection, trust issues, mental health concerns, addiction, and more. Online infidelity, like any other kind, is often a sign that there are underlying problems within the relationship.
Emotional drift due to cyber-relationship
The distance usually begins when one of the partners starts engaging in Extra Marital Relationships (EMR) subtly – it could be a harmless compliment, gifts or flirtatious chat. For an instance, starting with ‘you look beautiful today’ to cute gestures such as giving chocolates or flowers, or sharing the quick candid photos he/she took of them while at work – with an intention to impress and engage more.
What begins as a healthy flirting starts becoming a routine for a secret escape. Meanwhile, at home they are just sharing a roof, bills and daily chores. Furthermore, the casual way of expressing affection such as a quick hug before and after work, playful wrap of arms around waist, noticing how well he/she is dressed up, usual goodnight kisses and so on, gradually erode.
Not only this, conversation shrinks; replaced by the silence that feels heavier each day to the one who is being cheated. While it may look like completely normal to the one cheating, the loyal partner already starts sensing something unusual.
You gradually stop sharing hearts; and the romantic connection that once kept relationship alive, starts drifting apart. Evidences show that people who engage in small acts of extramarital involvement (like flirting) are more likely to later engage in further extramarital behavior and increased chances of Marital Financial Deception (MFD). Thus, the relationship may look normal in the form but it’s not in the feeling.
Coping and consequences
While the emotional pain experienced by the faithful partner when betrayed is profound, it is often even more challenging for many women to give up on their marriage. Emotionally strong and financially independent women with supportive networks may choose not to continue in such fragile relationships. However, many others remain trapped enduring silent suffering because they lack emotional, social, or financial support. In many cases, husbands who engage in extramarital relationships, often initiated through cyberspace, may quickly start to abandon their marriage.
Yet at times, they hesitate to let go of the stability their wives provide through care, home management, and family responsibility, and hence, try to continue to keep balance in both. Coping after digital infidelity, therefore, becomes an intensely personal journey. For the loyal partner, the betrayal can feel like an emotional earthquake shattering their trust, sense of security, and self-esteem.
The effects are not merely emotional but psychological and social, leaving scars that are difficult to heal. Victims of such betrayal often face anxiety, sleeplessness, and self-doubt. Over time, this emotional pain may alter the perception of love and trust among partners.
The consequences of digital infidelity can be disastrous, as evident in the recent tragedy in Doti, where a female teacher took her own life after realising that she had been involved with a married man. Similarly, another recent tragic case is of singer Neetu Poudel’s self-immolation after learning that her long-term partner was deceiving her and refusing marriage despite their committed relationship. These are few incidents that highlight how digital infidelity often serves as the starting point for real-life betrayals, leading to profound emotional and social consequences.
Hence, what truly protects against digital infidelity isn’t deleting apps, messages or tracking devices, but being emotionally present in primary relationship. Relationships definitely thrive when nurtured with attention and integrity not when distracted by virtual validation or fleeting online excitement. In the digital era where distractions are constant, partners must make a deliberate effort to protect their emotional boundaries and invest in their primary relationship.
